Overcoming Performance Anxiety in Music

Some people have it. Some people don’t. Some people expect their performances to go great every time. Some live in fear that something will go wrong. Everyone is diving into ways to deal with it. Why don’t we take a moment to dive into it today from the perspective of the Shakti’s Grace.

What is Performance Anxiety and Why Do We Have It?

The million dollar question. If we could get to the core of this, maybe we could heal it. Why does performance anxiety steal our power, our presence, and our grace? Does it ask us to receive it into us? Or are we a victim to its whims and fancies?

I don’t actually believe in victimhood. I believe that we all have a power to change the things in our lives that are not working. What inside of us is trying to steal our performances? If I look at it like this, maybe I have the power to change it. If it is not an outside force or an energy that comes in completely out of my control, I can change it.

So first I have to take responsibility for it. This is something that is inside of me, and I have sovereignty over my mind and body. Since it is an autonomic reaction to a stimulus of performing for an audience, it can actually be homed in on pretty precisely. Unlike general anxiety or panic attacks when one doesn’t know exactly what will cause it or when they will come on, those of us with performance anxiety can say that it is specifically related to playing our music for an audience.

What is it physically? Physical symptoms appear such as shaking, sweaty hands, shortness of breath and weakening of the voice. Mental symptoms can be related to panic, mind going blank, not being able to think, not being able to focus.

There are scientific explanations for these symptoms and one can research those on their own, but today I want to access the consciousness where science is still yet to unfold.

I have my mind telling me, “Do not go out onto that stage”, and my body is backing it up with all of the physical symptoms of fear. And in that moment, it isn’t usually an appropriate time to stop and look inside and ask myself, what actually is going on here? What is this and why is it here?

But now, in this moment, when I am alone in my room and I have access to my calmer, more peaceful self and the Grace of the Shakti, I can ask and listen quietly for answers.

It Isn’t Going to Be the Same for Us All

I don’t believe there is one cookie cutter answer for what performance anxiety is or why we have it. If we could accept ourselves as divine and free, it probably wouldn’t even exist because in that state there is absolutely nothing to fear. If I access my Self from the highest consciousness of grace, I won’t have to worry about anything. All I have to do is surrender to the divine.

But what about when I don’t feel that connection to the higher source consciousness and bliss? What about when I feel empty and alone and afraid? If I can access this consciousness of grace in those moments, what am I going to do with this performance anxiety?

It doesn’t matter if I’ve been afraid for years, or decades or lifetimes. If I, in this moment, can access this consciousness of grace, I will feel the performance anxiety fade. I will feel my heart begin to swell with joy and love. I will know that this is my time to shine.

So what is performance anxiety? It is fear. And everything that is fear is not pure love. Why do we have it? Because we don’t understand the world as true love.

If I give myself enough time and energy, I can figure this out. I can figure out why I’m afraid, why I’m not living in pure love, and why I don’t see the world as true love.

I Can’t Understand How to Fix It

This is an inquiry that I have been looking into for a long time, so I understand the frustration. The frustration of why; “why does it come on?”, “why doesn’t it get better with time and performing?”, “why can’t I just release this now?”. I can’t understand how to make it stop.

I was with my Practice Performance Group yesterday. We are a group of piano friends who meet every two weeks online to perform for each other. I haven’t shared my writings with them about this subject, probably because I feel that I’m more spiritually oriented than many there, and they may not be interested in what I am sharing here. But I was interested in the conversation at the end of our meeting.

I have noticed that over time with this group and my self-reflection in between our time together, I have definitely had a huge improvement with my own performance fear. Some people were saying that they felt as fearful if not more fearful than they had in past meetings together. One person said that they wondered if we weren’t actually amplifying the anxiety by continuously perpetuating it. I think they were kind of joking, but also reflecting on this thought.

The idea of the group is that by playing for each other, with no expectations and no pressure to perform perfectly, we will become more and more comfortable. This is definitely happening for me. I love the idea that I can stop anywhere in the middle of a song and say, “that’s it for today. I don’t remember any more”, and knowing that no one will care. This is one of my biggest fears; that I’ll forget, that my mind will go blank and I won’t be able to pull it together.

I think sometimes all it takes is the repetition of the act of performing to dissolve the fear, but there are some of us who need to explore deeper aspects of what is making us afraid because the repetition actually seems to be making it worse.

I have been exploring this very deeply for about a year now. I started writing my book, Overcoming Performance Anxiety: A Spiritual Journey, a little over a year ago. It was a deep exploration into my own performance anxiety for about a three month period. Since then, this practice performance group magically appeared in my life, so I’ve been able to work with these feelings. I highly recommend finding or forming a group like this.

I will continue to look at the feelings as they appear and see where they are rooted.

Exploring Deeply Into the Psyche

Whether it’s through God, in meditation, or with a healer or therapist, one thing is certain; the underlying root cause needs to be excavated. If you’ve been performing for years and it doesn’t seem to be going away, unless you’re planning to take pharmaceuticals, the source of the fear has to be healed.

I have spent many decades exploring into the depths of my psyche. Having been awakened to the Kundalini energy 31 years ago, and allowing that energy to guide me into deeper and deeper aspects of myself, I have been looking, and looking, and looking. These explorations into performance anxiety for the past year have been just another way to open up to the deeper aspects of myself and heal.

When we look deeply and ask for help from the higher source of all that is, we will be healed, but the exploration is a necessary journey.

So, what do we do next? Do we ask the divine to heal us now, in this moment? With a genuine heart, and a genuine expression of grace, I do believe that this moment now can be a powerful turning point for our fear. If we make the decision that we are going to change this no matter what it takes, we will see things start to change. This is a sentiment taken from the work and testimonials of Dr. Joe Dispenza.

So what now? What are the action steps I can take to start to change?

Prayer is my first recommendation. Ask the divine to show you what you need to do, see, or explore to begin this journey to wholeness and healthy performing. Watch for signs; books, interviews, recommendations from friends that spontaneously show up in your life.

Watch for the life that you’re wanting to live peacefully and genuinely. Who is doing this already? Who has the confidence and grace of performing that you would like to feel? What are they doing? How are they feeling? How did they get to the level of achievement that they are receiving? If they are doing it, you can too.

What we do with our life is ours and ours alone. We can do it differently than anyone else and yet still gain wisdom from those whom we admire. We don’t need to do it differently and we don’t need to do it the same. We just need to find our own genuine grace. That will tell us who we are in this place in time and space.

As mentioned earlier, I wrote a book about my process of exploring my own experiences with performance anxiety. It’s a start to my process as I am still working with it today. But it’s a deep exploration into my psyche and how many different avenues I’ve had to reach into to heal.

My book, “Overcoming Performance Anxiety – A Spiritual Journey” is available on Amazon.

Overcoming Performance Anxiety on Amazon

Conclusion

I want to be the performer that I know I can be. I want to express myself creatively, genuinely and powerfully. I want this to be my grace now. I know that there are so many of us who are wanting this blessing.

Let’s reach into our hearts and pull out the performer of power, grace and beauty and express that fully. It’s time to be free!

It’s time to be free to express our divinity, our grace and our truth. Let’s be free!